I went to see “The Batman” movie recently. "I am Vengeance", he says, and there is darkness aplenty. Three hours of it minus a (very) few minutes.
There are few of us who don't feel a darkness moving into our lives from many directions. Grievances, old and new, are being aired everywhere. We know how they can fester if they are not addressed and deepen divisions. What one considers an outrageous offense, the other doesn't see at all. Each side attributes to the other only evil motives while attributing to itself only the purest motives. Objective rights and wrongs are fading; we are left with victimizations and microaggressions for which there is no forgiveness. The "other" is excluded from the community and assigned a less-than-human status. Darkness deepens.
Batman tells us that seeking revenge for a wrong ends up in a perpetual feud. Are we trapped forever in darkness?
The movie closes with (spoiler alert!) an ambiguous answer. Darkness will continue until I bring light wherever I am at whatever cost to myself. This has roots in the Christian belief that humans have a natural capacity to do wrong (call it sin) which is the cause of the darkness, and that God has an infinite capacity to bring light by lovingly forgiving those wrongs. Upon receiving this loving forgiveness, it can be passed on to others. In the gospel of Matthew, Jesus reinforces the absolute centrality of forgiveness in the prayer that he teaches his disciples, " . . .forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us" (6:12) and two verses later, the point is punctuated by repetition, "For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father also will forgive you; but if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses" (6:14-15). There’s not much room for fudging in that.
A closer look at forgiveness reveals that for minor misbehaviors, we all have a certain natural capacity to "forgive and forget". For more hurtful encounters, there is counselling, self-help books and support groups can boost that natural forgiveness. However, the problem remains of those very ugly encounters that destroy trust and overwhelm our ability to forgive which trigger grudges, revenge and guilt. I have a particular interest in this, having recently been through such an uber-ugly conflict.
Ideally, the most perfect forgiveness is reconciliation, which is restoration of friendship based on mutual trust. Ideally, our lives need to be directed towards great-heartedness, which is courageous, generous and affirming, encouraging others to be great-hearted themselves. Humility is closely linked, recognizing our proper limits as finite creatures in an infinite universe. Great-heartedness points to possibilities, humility reveals limitations. At their meeting point, natural hope is born that dispels darkness.
But when forgiveness is rejected, grudges and guilt block great-heartedness, replacing it with a small-hearted fearfulness, self-centeredness and stinginess. Likewise, humility is replaced by defensiveness and arrogance. Small-heartedness and defensiveness spawn a vicious cycle that not only despairs but corrupts forgiveness as well. Perfect forgiveness restoring mutual trust becomes rare and is replaced by an "imperfect" forgiveness restoring a mutually wary, skeptical and uncertain trust.
Could Batman's relationship to the Riddler ever be restored to friendship based on mutual trust? Unlikely, to be sure, but here's how it could happen: As our natural capacity for forgiveness is overwhelmed, the need for the spiritual space where forgiveness is available to all who want it becomes critical. In this space, sacrifices from both sides are offered and accepted. The victim sacrifices revenge and resentment, offering to the offender release from guilt (absolution). The offender sacrifices pride in admitting guilt (contrition and confession) and offers to make right the wrong (penance) as best he can. In this spiritual space, there are divine nudges and supernatural resources available to accomplish what otherwise would be impossible. When both parties are present to the grace present in this spiritual space, great-heartedness and humility are given room to grow and true friendship rooted in mutual trust has the best chance to blossom.
So, what's in this for me? A huge challenge, that's what. I've been thinking a lot about forgiveness and I'm hoping that putting those thoughts into print might help me make sense of a mixed-up world and maybe even provide others with food for thought. I'd be happy for any feedback!
Coming soon: Living with Guilt
Hi Roy, I see what your saying and I've been observing this phenomenon most of my adult life. I've always been the type of person to avoid conflict and when I can't I try to be as diplomatic, if that's the right word, about that conflict as possible. Most of my friends call me the devil's advocate because my insistence on observing and respecting the other side. I think what you are saying here and not to unjustly summon the idea of Jesus, but I think if there is anything that everyone can agree with on about Christianity it is that Jesus and the ideal he represents is worth further examination and respect. Even if people may not admit that on the face of it, most people will certainly agree with those ideals.
For myself, I've observed this phenomenon of revenge and unforgivingness (if that's a word), through a more cultural and political lens for most of my life. I've only recently adopted spirituality as a practice through meditation and absorbing various religious ideas through reading and various forms of media. I think pursuing this lens further will be worthwhile and I look forward to it. With that having been said, I've long noticed a fracturing of society into a more tribal style of living. You can see it in the early days of high school dramas (both in the real world and in film) with all the cliques that form the trope of the typical high school. And now beyond that, in almost every domain of the internet.
I think what you are talking about here is likely one of the best bulwarks against this fracturing. We have to reemphasize forgiveness and all the difficulties and pain that may come with it.
All this to say: Keep up the good work! I really enjoyed what you had to say here.
Thanks, Mathieu. "Unforgiving-ness" is a fine word! And "tribal" describes exactly what I see in the future for us all. It generally is given a rather negative flavor, but if a tribe is a community which gathers around a shared story that provides meaning and binds the members together, we already live in a giant tribe which is breaking into smaller tribes. The giant tribe was wonderful in many ways, but I'm not surprised at its breaking apart. I'm not even very alarmed, though maybe I should be. Without a better grasp of the spiritual dimension of forgiveness, conflicts between individuals and groups will more quickly end up in open warfare. Ugh!
To see and respect the other side takes humility, another spiritual virtue that seems to be lacking in recent public conversations. The example that Jesus displayed was humble and respectful of all people, but he was also courageous and called out sin when needed!
Thanks for the note and you've given me some ideas for future posts!
God is good, all the time!
Roy